Change work doesn’t just entail challenges for the person who’s carrying out the changes. Many of you surely know the old saying that’s still often heard: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
This saying tells us that you can’t learn things as an adult that you didn’t learn as a child. You, the reader with an interest in development, have perhaps already heard what INSTITUT SOMMERINSTITUT SOMMER is not only the name of our company, but also the expression of the approach we take towards the requests we receive. Read more here.... Read more has made its core skill.
You certainly can learn things as an adult that you didn’t learn as a child. Through learning things as an adult, you change, regardless of who you are. This change work enables you to shape your own life.
You don’t have to accept your limitations as given. If you want to, you can let go of old limitations and change things that used to restrict you as a child.
Approach each other. Change work is invaluable, but it’s hard work for the people around you, too.
Imagine that those around you knew you as a child, and they still see you as the ‘little one’, even though you’re now an adult. We humans are creatures of habit. If types of behaviour that we’re used to suddenly change, and something new takes their place, that has an impact. You, the person who’s developing, benefit from these changes. You gain more freedom to act, but those around you initially experience a loss of something: namely security.
Change makes those around you feel insecure.
If the people around you lack awareness, your changing puts them under pressure. This pressure affects both you and those around you. In this case, both sides should approach each other and build up mutual understanding. Otherwise, conflicts arise that you, the developed person, will have to cushion.
As an adult who’s changing, you know that you go through many phases in the change process. Basically, following Anke Sommer’s LEADERSHIP work, you change unconscious factors into conscious ones, as discreetly as possible – quite calmly, without focusing on any problems. That has an impact.
This is an on-going process and demands more than simply your mental attention: your body is also working busily, too. Clearly, you cannot always express this change immediately in logical terms, because your change alters the way the child you saw things, so that the adult does not succumb at the same limitations that the child experienced.
Before your adult brain itself grasps the change that people around you can see, your body lets go of old information. People around you see that and may be concerned if they don’t know about active change work. This is because your body illustrates the limits you experienced as a child.
There’s a reason why the child became what it was, and this reason lies in the unconsciousness of your historical background, more specifically in those areas where unconsciousness resides.
Limits to action don’t arise through love, but through (historical) violence.
The change in you touches all the topics in your family, even if you only pay attention to yourself and never stir up problems. When you work on your limits, your body’s expression shows your family and those around you why you as a child never progressed in learning at that point.
Your change work confronts your family environment too, without using words. The phases you go through remind those around you of things that they, too, are not conscious of. In a nutshell, those around you may react negatively. And that’s very understandable. Accept these defensive reactions and don’t feel attacked by them.
But please, never become part of the conflicts that arise through the defensive reactions. Please never point the finger at anyone else. Always be aware that even if people around you hurt you as a child, much of what happened was not done consciously.
So it’s nothing to do with anyone being at fault. The important thing for you is to get rid of the limitation that may have arisen due to this hurt, rather than living with it for the rest of your life.
This change work is objectively oriented. It frees you from limitations to your actions. The work expands your action options. Every time you direct accusations outwards, this retards your change work, because you’re automatically drawn back into old emotions.
Dealing lovingly with each other helps all those involved – particularly during change work.
Think about this: the most useful thing you can do today is to let go of old limits. In doing this – following the sociological principles of LEADERSHIP work according to Anke Sommer – it’is irrelevant how these limits arose back then.
The only important thing is that you regain the lost leadership. Also, as a person who’s developing, aviod trying to explain to others what’s happening inside you while the change is taking place, as long as your sense of logic is still learning.
Others can’t and won’t understand you, because your mind is churning and adapting the old order to today’s requirements. That takes a while. There’s a reason why the old saying states that ‘old dogs’ can’t change.
Maintain a loving approach to those around you at all times, even if they’re spiteful towards you. Be patient with yourself and those around you. Your understanding and courtesy will enable those around you to avoid building up a conflict.
Also, don’t forget that if someone attacks you and you react defensively and with dismay, you’ve already become part of the conflict.
Instead, focus on your development and always maintain a positive attitude.
As you gain understanding, formulate short, accurate sentences. This increases the likelihood that people around you will always understand you. In this way, you can go through your precious development period without conflicts.
I wish you joy and strength in your change work.
Your Anke Sommer